Recently, three social news stories have left people sighing: a 28-year-old female teacher in Lushan, Henan, jumped to her death on her wedding day to resist her parents’ long-term control over her marriage and love life, ending her life with a tragic resolve; a woman in Weinan, Shaanxi, suffered long-term domestic violence and was eventually pushed into a pot of boiling soup by her husband, suffocating to death; Ms. Jiang, a single woman in Shanghai, was hospitalized with a serious illness—she had no one to make medical decisions on her behalf, could hardly withdraw her bank savings to pay for medical expenses, and after her death, her inheritance had to be taken over by the civil affairs bureau. Even her distant relatives had to go through cumbersome legal procedures to buy her a cemetery.
These cases outline the multiple predicaments faced by contemporary women: whether to marry or not may be beyond their control; entering marriage may bring storms; choosing to be single means facing the risks of being left unprotected in old age and illness, and being unable to settle affairs after death. How to protect physical and mental peace and build a solid safety line for life while single has become a question that every independent woman must think deeply about.
I. Identify Risks and Stop Losses:
The Courage and Wisdom to Break Free from Dangerous RelationshipsThe fangs of dangerous relationships never only appear in the form of physical violence such as beating and kicking. As sociologist Li Yinhe said: “Control and harm in intimate relationships are often hidden under the guise of ‘for your own good’; the harm of mental violence is no less than that of physical abuse.” The case of a female Peking University student who committed suicide due to long-term mental control by her boyfriend has long been included in the 2025 typical anti-domestic violence cases by the Supreme People’s Court, and the perpetrator was sentenced to three years and two months in prison for abuse. This warns us: hidden violence such as cold violence, emotional blackmail, and economic blockade are also sharp swords that destroy lives.
The tragedy of the female teacher in Lushan, Henan, was essentially the result of long-term mental control and moral kidnapping by family members. When “urging marriage” turns into an unchallengeable fetter, and personal will is coerced by family affection, “severing family ties” becomes a helpless choice for some women. The writer Long Yingtai once said: “The relationship between parents and children is nothing but watching each other’s backs drift away.” True family affection should be watching over rather than binding. Just like a female friend of mine who moved thousands of miles away to break free from the shackles of marriage urging through physical separation; Tuo Buhua, the host of the program “Long Talk”, gave up college against her family’s wishes back then, went to Beijing to carve out her own world, and built a circle of friends that nourishes her soul. Their choices prove that only by recognizing the nature of dangerous relationships and bravely stepping back can we win space for breathing and growth.
II. Weave a Warm Network:
Build Your Own Support SystemBeing single does not mean being helpless. The warm connection between people can become a solid barrier against storms. In “Happiness Upgraded: How Women Live Freely”, written by Chizuko Ueno and Hayashi Rin, they recorded the final chapter of a single female friend’s life: suffering from cancer, she had no family to accompany her, but thirty female friends from the Internet formed a support network to accompany her through her last days. They had no affiliated group, and some had never met before, yet some took the initiative to coordinate affairs, sort out illness and surgery information, some used their strengths to provide care, and some gave comfort through companionship. One month before her death, she booked a restaurant and gathered more than thirty “comrades-in-arms” from all over the country. This belated first meeting was full of trust and gratitude across distances.
Such a “timely help” support system requires us to invest time and sincerity to maintain girlfriendships, schoolmate friendships, and even expand like-minded relationships. These horizontally connected emotional bonds are not necessarily innate like blood ties, but they can provide care when ill, support in difficulties, and warmth when lonely, making the single life no longer a journey of helplessness.
III. Plan Ahead:
Law Protects a Dignified LifeAfter the age of forty, physical functions gradually decline, and the probability of suffering from serious illnesses increases. Meanwhile, parents are getting older and often can no longer assume the responsibility of legal guardians—this is exactly the predicament Ms. Jiang in Shanghai faced: she urgently needed money for medical treatment but could not access her own savings, and the disposal of her inheritance after death also fell into a deadlock. This reminds us: the dignity of single life is inseparable from advance legal planning.
First, make a will in advance. In current legal practice, it is common to leave inheritance to relatives, friends, or even pets, or set up a charitable fund to help children in distress according to one’s own wishes. The key is to make arrangements “in advance”.
The “voluntary guardianship” system in the Civil Code is an important guarantee for single women. We can pre-select a trustworthy and responsible girlfriend, classmate, or distant relative as the voluntary guardian, and clarify their duties and powers through legal procedures, including key matters such as medical decision-making and property management. Once we are in a state of incapacity or mental impairment, the guardianship mechanism can be activated immediately to play its role.
What needs more advance planning is a “living will”. When Qiongyao’s husband Ping Xintao was hospitalized with a serious illness, she had repeated conflicts with her stepchildren over whether to “pull out the tube”, and finally became disheartened, closed her social media accounts, and left her hometown. This controversy made us see that when life comes to an end, the ownership of medical decision-making power often leads to disputes. The philosopher Sartre said: “Man is free, and freedom means choice and responsibility.” Making a living will in advance to clarify one’s medical wishes at the end of life is to firmly hold the decision-making power of life in one’s own hands, which not only avoids the guardian falling into a dilemma but also ensures that one can bid farewell to the world with dignity.
Being single is not a flaw, but an independently chosen lifestyle. It requires us to have the courage to identify dangers and break free from constraints, the wisdom to build emotional connections and help each other, and the foresight to plan ahead and protect dignity with the law. As the writer Virginia Woolf said: “A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction.” May every single woman build a solid safety line, weave a warm network, live a safe, dignified, and free life on her own life path, and shine her unique light.